


there's a lightning in your eyes i can't deny

by zanykingmentality



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: First Kiss, Fluff, Gay Panic, Internalized Homophobia, Internalized Misogyny, M/M, Mild Language, Mutual Pining, Pre-Time Skip, sylvain is bad at feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-28
Updated: 2019-12-28
Packaged: 2021-02-19 03:10:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22004269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zanykingmentality/pseuds/zanykingmentality
Summary: Sylvain has never thought he could really fall in love.
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd & Sylvain Jose Gautier, Felix Hugo Fraldarius/Sylvain Jose Gautier
Comments: 6
Kudos: 169





	there's a lightning in your eyes i can't deny

**Author's Note:**

> felix said himbo rights
> 
> i wrote this in between doing college apps because i can't believe i haven't posted any sylvix yet. this is the result of a conversation with postfixrevolution where i promised to write sylvain having a gay panic. i'm not good at writing sylvain so i hope i did him justice! 
> 
> unbeta-d as usual, but spellchecked, so please forgive my lingering errors! enjoy~

One does not simply  _ like _ Felix Hugo Fraldarius. 

Especially not Sylvain. No, he jumps between love and hate pretty quickly, exasperation in the name of affection. With Ingrid closed off and Dimitri obsessed with revenge and a pretty professor, it’s just Felix and Sylvain of the original group. Just them, out of everyone. 

Garreg Mach is much warmer than Sylvain’s used to, so he walks around some days in no armor, barely a shirt on. He gets those looks from girls, the ones that glimmer with want, and he thinks about how he could indulge for a night before facing forward again. 

Then he thinks about Felix. 

It’s practically an accident. It’s certainly not on  _ purpose. _ Sylvain doesn’t  _ want _ to be thinking about Felix when he’s supposed to be thinking about girls and all that. Something about  _ Felix _ and  _ girl _ drives Sylvain absolutely mad. But he finds himself imagining  _ Felix _ instead of  _ girl, _ and that’s a completely  _ different _ issue. 

Contrary to popular opinion, Sylvain isn’t all that great at sexuality. Sure, he knows how to give people what they want. He can make girls scream his name like a prayer on the battlefield. Brandishing euphemisms. But he doesn’t exactly pay the most attention to what  _ he _ wants. So when Sylvain finds himself tracing Felix’s staunch fighting form, he has to swallow back a self-realizing scream. 

Amendment:  _ Sylvain _ does not simply  _ like _ Felix Hugo Fraldarius. 

In fact, he hardly even hates him. Sylvain finds himself dreaming about braving the Gautier border together, bundled up. Camping in a cave, huddling close for warmth. 

He’s plucking weeds with Dimitri one day when Felix runs by, ass especially enticing. 

“ _ Sylvain, _ ” Dimitri says, like it’s the fourth time he’s had to. “Pay attention. Is there a reason you’re staring after Felix?” 

Sylvain forgets that despite his density, Dimitri can be much more perceptive than given credit for. 

“No,” he almost stammers, in a very unlike him way. “No, he just… looks really good.” He sounds so stupid.

Dimitri raises one eyebrow, choosing not to comment on the grease dripping through Felix’s hair, or the dirt that caked his pants at the knees. Instead, he says, carefully, “I did not notice anything out of the ordinary.” 

That’s when Sylvain freezes. All things considered, there’s no reason he should be attracted to Felix. There’s no reason he should  _ want _ at all — that luxury was taken from him at birth. Felix is short and angry and very navy blue, all things that should not make Sylvain’s pulse race like it does. And anyway, far be it from him to add his gay panic to the boar prince’s list of all-encompassing thoughts. “Oh,” he says. “I guess I was just seeing things, then.” 

This does nothing to alleviate any of Dimitri’s suspicion. 

He’s laying in his room when he thinks about it again. He decides, then, that he kind of hates Felix Hugo Fraldarius. That’s much easier to do than  _ like _ him too much. 

And it’s not like Sylvain’s ever been  _ uncomfortable _ with his sexuality. He just hasn’t thought about it a lot, which he thinks is totally fine. He just didn’t think his sexual awakening would be because of  _ Felix Hugo Fral-fucking-darius. _ Even if it makes sense. 

(They’d promised to die together, to fight together, in sickness and in health, oh goddess is Sylvain really  _ thinking _ this—)

“Morning, Blue Lions,” Professor Byleth says, her shoes clacking against the cobblestone floor as she makes her way to the front of the room. Dimitri immediately perks up, something everyone in the room notices. Ingrid brandishes her pen. Annette and Mercedes hide their array of cakes behind their open books. And Sylvain? 

Sylvain can’t stop staring at Felix. 

Felix, with his grody-ass man-bun and stupid fucking eyes that narrow like a predator, focused and sharp, intense in what he knows and clueless in what he doesn’t. Sylvain has the perfect view of Felix’s back, twisted just enough for him to be ready to leap into an attack position if need be. A glimpse of his face. Sylvain wonders how Felix’s skin would taste. 

He doesn’t catch any of the lesson. At some point, Byleth had asked about mounted battalions, her gaze fixed on Sylvain, but he couldn’t find it in himself to come up with an answer he knew but didn’t care about. If she didn’t directly call on him, he wouldn’t volunteer. It’d been working so far.

After class, they get their chore assignments for the week. Last week it had been picking weeds with Dimitri. This week it’s sorting the library with — Felix. 

Oh. 

Between his excitement and anxiety, Sylvain’s a mess of imperceptible emotions, hidden just beneath the surface. He meets Felix at the door and tries not to think about him waiting, watching the hallway for Sylvain’s shock of red hair. It would be a little bit too much. 

They start on opposite sides of the library. As much as he wants to, Sylvain can’t let himself get too close. If he steps within a two meter radius of Felix, he might just implode. The work itself is easy, barely requiring half of Sylvain’s concentration. Take the books from the cart and find where they go. 

Then Felix appears at his elbow. 

Sylvain jumps before he can control his body, spasming away from the close proximity. Felix’s permanent scowl deepens. 

“What’s wrong with you?” Felix asks, in that rough way he does everything. 

“Nothing,” Sylvain says. 

“Bullshit.” This word is spat like poison. Sylvain cringes. “You’ve been avoiding me. I’m not so stupid that I didn’t notice.”

Sylvain’s not sure  _ what _ he thought when he started doing this, but that Felix could even  _ be _ stupid was not a possibility that occured to him. As scholars might choose to describe him in the future, head empty, brain dead. 

He isn’t sure how to respond. 

“Fine,” Felix says, a wall going up around him. Sylvain can see his eyes growing guarded as each minute passes. Desperate, he grips Felix’s arm. 

“I’m sorry,” he blurts out. “I didn’t mean to.”

“You didn’t  _ mean _ to?” 

Sylvain swallows thickly. “I was scared… because I don’t know how to be so attached to someone.” 

“What do you mean? We’ve been like this since we were kids.” 

“Like this? What’s  _ this? _ ” 

Felix ponders this for a moment. “Close. You and me. It’s always been you and me.” 

“Maybe I want us in a different way.” 

“Then  _ tell _ me. Tell me how.” 

Sylvain pauses for a long time. There’s no other way to say it. “I’m in love with you.” 

Felix blanches. “You… what?” 

“I’m in love with you,” Sylvain says, louder. 

“How do you  _ know _ ?” Felix stresses. “How do you know you love  _ me? _ Why isn’t it some girl that you’ve already bedded?” 

“I don’t know,” Sylvain says. “All I know is that it’s you. It’s always been you.” 

Felix is silent. 

“Say something.” 

Felix does not. Instead, he takes a step forward, closer, dizzying, and rams his lips full force against Sylvain’s. Rough, like he does everything. It’s over before Sylvain can do anything about it. 

“Is that enough of a response?” 

It takes a moment to regain his composure. A smirk finds its way onto his face. “I think you’ll have to show me again.” 

Felix rolls his eyes, but leans forward anyway. 


End file.
